I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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