He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
