im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are we still banned from the library?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
