Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
