I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
