You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
