Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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