then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
