I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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