The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
