i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
