I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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