Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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