Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
nutella sex= disaster
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
