it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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