Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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