And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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