Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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