I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
