i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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