i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
