On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
