I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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