Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
