my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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