just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
