The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
