I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
