I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
