so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
