I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
