I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need to align my fucking chakras
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
