did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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