dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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