if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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