I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
