I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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