Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
