i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
