you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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