Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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