YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
