he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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