We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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