I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
