even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your penis caused this!
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