dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
