A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
