my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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