Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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