it's like iHOP with fire
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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