shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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